Have you ever lost something? Stupid question…..of course you have.I’ve lost many things. Car keys…TV remote controls…cigarette lighters. Yeah, I used to smoke many years ago. I smoked for about 10 years. That’s about 520 weeks. That’s about 520 lighters. I know you smokers/ex-smokers know what I mean. There was NO way to keep one of those plastic Bic lighters. You’d buy a green one on Tuesday…lose it on Saturday…be walking down the street on Sunday afternoon and find a red one in the gutter. The guy who lost that one will find someone else’s blue one the following Wednesday. It’s the rule of the Bic Lighter Lost and Found. BLLF for short. Sorry…best I could do.
So we all lose things. Today I lost a blender. Yep….a blender. “A blender?” You ask. YES!! A #$%^& blender! Pay attention. Today I lost a blender. First it was I had ‘misplaced’ the blender….but after looking in all of the obvious places – such as the cupboards….the pantry and the hamper, I changed ‘misplaced’…to ‘lost’.
I’ve never lost something like a blender before. I’ve lost some weird things. One time I lost one of the Steves. (Remember all of my sons are named Steve.) We lost one of the Steves at the mall. We finally found him a couple weeks later in the hardware section of Sears. He was fine….and he really didn’t want to leave. That’s my boy….made me proud. They made us take him home anyway. Dang Commies.
So…back to the blender. After checking all the normal places where a blender would hang out I started checking the really weird spots. The trunk of the car, the back yard under the BBQ, the neighbor’s dog house, the mailbox, under the sofa (hey, maybe it got wet and shrunk). I still don’t know where the blender went….all I know is I lost it.
So today I am going to sit back and ponder how a blender can disappear. How a big black plastic and glass thing with a cord can mysteriously disappear without a trace. The only thing I can think of is that while some other people or things were leaving my house one day, it just left with them….and we didn’t notice because it did such a great job of ‘blending’ in.
Lord I want to apologize for that joke…if you will just give me my blender back.
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Fun Fact of the day: The setting on a blender marked ‘Puree’ is kind of like the guitar amp in Spinal Tap going to 11. It really doesn’t mean anything. It’s true – look it up.
3 comments:
Don't you think that one of your Steves took it with him? Like... maybe #2 Steve? He is staying mostly with other people these days, no?
I know how you can locate the blender ... I just had this ephiphany. You find a photograph that has your blender in it. Take it to Kinkos and make color copies. Write a bold heading, "LOST BLENDER" and put your phone number at the bottom. Post them around the neighborhood. You'll have it back in no time. I'm certain of it.
I know you have found the blender, because you told us. I still want to know what steve was doing with it. Maybe making smoothies with his friends????
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